TEXAS LONGHORNS So, our cabin was infested with Texans for the last two weeks. Despite the U.S. Forest Service canceling the Lakeside Lodge 4th of July Fireworks, a good time was had by all. The Bills Island Independence Day Parade was held on July 3rd -- an ATV and homemade float celebration of America, American independence, and enthusiastic, costumed and come as you are patriotism. The flotilla, held on the evening of July 4th, was led by two Fremont County Sherrif’s boats all decked out -- nothing says “Happy 4th of July” like a flotilla of flags, sirens, and flashing lights, followed by over-the-top decorated boatloads of loud, choreographed dancers and singers. Three days of celebration made a great Independence Day for us and our Texans -- we hope that all y’all had a similar experience.
Speaking of y’all, there is proper Texan etiquette for this contraction of you and all. A singular person is “you,” but “y’all” is often and incorrectly used to refer to a single person. A small group of four or fewer people can be correctly called “y’all.” A large group of five or more becomes “all y’all,” and is not proper English, but it is very popular in Texas, where it is widely used by all sorts of proper Texans. Our Texans are displaced, proper Idahoans, and don’t slip into Texas-speak very often, but, dang, I really do like the friendly-sounding Texas greeting, “Howdy!” Our Texans don’t say “Howdy,” and they sound and look like everyone else here in Idaho. About the only thing giving them away as being Texans is a package they sent to us from Texas. My daughter told me to come outside and help MK open an anniversary present they shipped from Texas. I told her that I was showering, and thought that it would be a good idea to put something on. She agreed. I was glad that I chose wisely, because, without my robe, I would have been standing there in my undies, surprised by a bunch of yahoos who had gathered to watch us open the package from Texas.
While it was being unwrapped, I was asked to guess what was inside. Most of them knew what it was. As if on cue, immediately and without hesitation, I said that it probably was a pair of Texas longhorns. The Texans about passed out. I was right, and they couldn't believe it! The huge longhorns were mounted on a board! I started to drawl: "Dang! Y’all didn’t have to do that! Just perfect. Thanks to all y’all." The next morning I went off the deep end and had the thing mounted on the grille of my Escalade.
It was all fun and games until I told MK that I was going shopping for a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. She reminded me that abandoning proper English and twanging around in cowboy gear with my friends is not my best image. “Roger, y'all look like a bunch of drugstore cowboys when you dress like that! ” Well! I never-- and I thought she would like being surprised if I wore cowboy boots to bed. Then the people at KJ’s Carwash told me that they do not wash cars with horns on the hood! Off came the horns! My dreams of driving around with a big set of horns on the hood suddenly evaporated. No one I know would take me seriously if I pranced around in cowboy gear unless I had Texas longhorns on the hood. As I think about it, like many things I have seen in the movies, wearing cowboy boots to bed to surprise MK would not have been likely to produce the desired result, nor would it be the smartest thing I have ever done -- nor the dumbest. Dang! Now I have to figure out what to do with the horns.
Ever vigilant,
RT
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